Therapy to help with

There are many issues which can be supported in Counselling.  I have just written a short blurb on some of the most common issues I am currently working with clients on.


Anger management Auckland


With Anger Management Auckland I regularly see clients at either site in Birkdale or in Remuera due to this being such a major theme and common issue.  Often clients come to Counselling and speak about want to 'control anger'. The key thing in Counselling which is important is to remember that we do not in fact try to 'control our anger'. Trying to control an emotion is what leads to it becoming trapped and distorted and coming out at points in a way which may not be appropriate. It is important rather to look at the ways we 'manage our emotions' and in particular 'manage our anger'.


Anger is often a frowned upon emotion as seen as something we should control or in some way try to curb. Whereas abuse is always wrong there is nothing wrong with the feeling of anger or any other feeling. Throughout my work with clients working on this issue we often speak of anger to be seen like it is at the start of a hill. If you picture a hill and on one side of the hill there is anger which is absolutely fine. Any feeling of anger is okay, it's healthy and is nothing to be concerned about. An emotion like any other which is to be managed and used constructively. Anger can build however and if not managed well can go up over the hill and down the slippery slope of the other side and turn into abuse which is never okay.


In Counselling sessions we often look at this analogy and then work with the feeling of anger. I often emphasise constantly how the feeling of anger is absolutely fine and encourage clients to bring whatever anger they have to the sessions so we can work with it. Clients often feel enraged and notice how outside of sessions in the real world they are triggered by the smallest things. Exploring the emotions and what these things that trigger them remind them of can be key to getting to the root of the anger and rather than it become our enemy, be our friend we can embrace as part of our lives.


Anger can often be mixed with other strong emotions. Sometimes self therapy exercises such as writing or actual rigorous exercise and keeping an overall healthy balance can help us to keep our emotions well regulated. Through working with our emotions in therapy we can come to a state of greater balance. If we picture someone carrying buckets, one on each side, on a piece of wood over their shoulders. In the case of anger management we are often stumbling around and the water (symbolising our emotions) is pouring out and going all over the place. Through accepting where we are at and that there is an issue with the emotions pouring out and perhaps becoming abusive, we are able to create routines and explore the emotions to become happier and more balanced. Cognitive behavioural therapy can also help here in moving forward to make goals for the future.


The key thing here is always acceptance acceptance acceptance.  Do not feel like Counselling will make you less passionate or take your strong emotions away.  If you have issues with anger rest assured that with Anger management Auckland I will only be encouraging you to bring all these strong emotions to session.  With the right nurturing these can be chanelled to support you to create the life you want.


Relationship Counselling

I see many clients with relationship issues.  Sometimes I see clients individually who just work on themselves to get a greater sense of self knowledge and self esteem to be able to build a better relationship with their partner and to relate better.  I work with the individual in this area by exploring the emotional responses to interactions that are going on with the partner then to look back as to what past relationships and past dramas may be contributing to how they are feeling now.  We then look into rebuilding a sense of self esteem and to be able to interact in an adult to adult assertive manner.  The goal is to work to build interdependent relationships based on maturity and mutual respect.


I work with clients in this area individually most of the time first and then together or sometimes just together from the start.  If the goal of a client is to have couples Counselling eventually it is always useful to atleast have one individual session with the partner alone first to allow a balance to happen so neither client feels favoured.


We work with the ideas that a codependent relationship is an A shape type of relationhip whereas there are issues on either side whereas neither person has a strong sense of themselves so they rely on the partner to fill certain needs.  This commonly raises itself in couples counselling.  We therefore work with trying to allow each partner to obtain a constructive healthy sense of themselves and to allow a building of a more H type of relationship whereas each is allowed is allowed to feel healthy and free alone while enjoying and appreciating a connection to the partner.


Grief Counselling

Clients I work with in Conselling will typically always have some grief to work with.  Some clients come to specifically work on grief e.g. dealing with the death of a loved one.  Through the person centred support I am able to offer in the sessions clients are able to go through a grieving process to be able to ultimately move on and let go.  The work of Kubler Ross on grief can be helpful to identify the different stages you may be working with if you are going through grief of some sort.


Even if the main issue identified isn't grief there is usually grief involved in various other concerns.  For example we may grieve over a relationship that has ended or in working with an abusive past we may grieve as we realise things weren't as happy as we once thought. 


As painful as it can be to go through it's important to remember there is light at the end of the tunnel.  The feeling of 'I just want it all to end' is very common and it can be important just to allow ourselves to be in our grief and just accept the emotions as they keep coming up.  The mentality of 'soldier on' is very common in England and New Zealand cultures.  This is not a mentality which gets us through grief or any other mental health concerns. 


Through keeping balanced and just letting the emotions come and being supported there will eventually come a time when you will be able to move on more constructively.