Am I in an unhealthy relationship ? Signs and what to do.
Understanding Unhealthy Relationships
People often come to me for counseling due to experiencing signs that they may be in an unhealthy relationship. I felt it was important to bring this to life more in this blog and therefore to cast light on what you may be consciously accepting while on a deeper level having some inkling that it is not right.
Recognizing Unhealthy Dynamics
The outer characteristics of unhealthy relationship dynamics involve things such as control, intimidation, and physical and sexual violence. If you are experiencing any of these things, remember that the police are just a phone call away. For women I have worked with, Women’s Refuge has also been a great level of support.
Seeking Support
While pointing in the direction of the support systems our society gives us is part of my role, recognizing these characteristics is useful. Classic counseling support involves identifying what is occurring for my respective client within the relationship.
Common Signs of Unhealthy Relationships
Not feeling supported and a feeling of walking on eggshells are commonly reported occurrences in an unhealthy relationship. It is critically important to give yourself permission to validate a feeling that something just doesn’t feel quite right. Often, in unhealthy relationships, our intuition has been a bit switched off. Just giving oneself permission to feel what is occurring and then pulling that thread can be a huge part of our unconscious becoming more conscious. This is a therapeutic journey.
Can Unhealthy Relationships Turn Healthy?
So, you may be asking yourself if unhealthy relationships can turn healthy. I would say yes, but it requires the commitment of both partners. It’s good to draw on the support of friends too, and this is where therapeutic support can be hugely valuable.
Individual Counseling Approach
On a purely individual level, working with clients, I help people ground themselves and acknowledge how they are feeling in the relationship. Very often, first-time sessions such as this can be something of an offload, which is obviously fine. We bring out what is occurring in the relationship and then try to figure out if there is something triggering about what is happening, which is taking you to a past event unrelated to this relationship, or if the issue is firmly in this present relationship.
Self-Reflection and Validation
If you are reading this and suspecting some issues in your relationship, perhaps take some time to meditate on what is going on. Do some writing and allow your emotions to flow and recognize what is happening for you in the relationship. This can be a good way to validate yourself and ultimately reach a solution.
Communication in Relationships
When working with individuals, we look at the communication which has been taking place. We work to commit to speaking in an adult manner, which involves being assertive, honest, and time-appropriate and expressing one’s wants and needs. It’s important, though, to manage this by prioritizing safety and recognizing if a personal threshold has been crossed by the other person and if it may, in fact, be time to break up.
Couples Counseling Approach
Working with couples, we look at communication again. It can often be quite quick to identify where someone may be more passive and where someone may be more dominating. It can be great in a couple’s session to just honestly draw this out and then set a practice to be in an adult mode of communication while also recognizing the tendency to drop into other forms of communication which are less than empowering.
Setting Boundaries and Expectations
I have couples make requests to one another and then also bring up their own vision for the relationship. They discuss their respective ‘nos’ and their points of investment or compromise.
Taking the Next Steps
If you are reading this and thinking your relationship may have unhealthy elements, don’t panic. Just acknowledge what is going on for you and then take your next step while acknowledging your own safety physically and emotionally while also being courageous. It’s a delicate balance. It may be a conversation with your partner. It may be taking some time to yourself to meditate and journal. Or it could be reaching out for further support.
Contact me if I can perhaps be of help. For more immediate urgent support, don’t hesitate to call your local police. I also hear great reports about Womens refuge.
All the best