I’ve had a pillar of my work for some time now in helping people with relationships which have become destructive.

I know from my own personal experience in the past and also in my work with clients that often we get wrapped up in wondering if the other person is a diagnosable narcissist then we get wrapped up looking for evidence and researching deeper and deeper.

I’m not saying some level of practical knowledge is not useful but I think that ultimately the reality to focus on which I find most helpful is to take back to your own emotional reality.

Your emotional reality always gives your truth and by honouring this you can put yourself first rather than the relationship and then decide what you’d like to do.

Obviously working with a Counsellor can be in itself a self connection practice where people often report the experience of being validated helps them to just know they are not crazy but have their own sense of truth and an experience which is real which everyone is entitled to have.

Personal practices to build this experience can be activities like journal writing, meditation and just doing some things for yourself. Some call it an occasional ‘self date’.

When we can just realise we’re a valued person worthy of respect I find then we can bring out what it is we really want from this relationship. It’s important to keep in mind they may not change but the good news is you don’t need them to change for you to feel okay.

Making yourself the priority typically comes first then this being followed with a combination of good adult communication (which we practice in sessions) and also where needed a level of a clinical working with the respective other individual helps shifts to occur.

Remember you’re not crazy but you may just be being impacted by a crazy maker.