For those unfamiliar there is an idea that there are five love languages which basically means five different ways we may enjoy receiving love.

The different love languages are: Physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, and gifts.

There is a book by Gary Chapman called The five love languages which is a worthwhile read but I’d say before then just do your test. It only takes about 5 to 10 minutes https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

It’s great to do this to get to know yourself a bit and doing this will give you something to reflect on as you think about what you may want in your relationship now if you are in one, maybe what was missing from a previous relationship, or maybe what you will want more of in a new relationship.

Often when I speak to people talking about relationships I mention this test and I find the process of just doing it can be a process of self validation in the sense of recognising oneself and your personal preferences.

It’s a great activity for couples too because in doing the activity together you can see what each of you like and what you could maybe give more of to the other and maybe mix this with some thanks and gratitude for what you really enjoy receiving (compliments are also a great cornerstone of a relationship, that’s for another post though).

It’s not important to have the same love language, more often people don’t. What is important though is to just recognise your own and then think about how you can connect to your significant other.

The book is very helpful on the topic of love languages in that it goes into how couples in love often make the mistake of trying to give in the way they enjoy receiving love. A classic error which makes total sense. We think of ourselves and what we like so innocently reach out and do the same. It’s so sad that this can produce such a conflict and can break communication down when trying so hard to connect.

Knowing your respective love language, reflecting on it and discussing it with your significant other is a wonderful thing. Remember it’s okay to have your love language and to want your love tank to be filled in a fulfilling relationship.

Interventions like this which are quite simple can often be hugely significant.

So how did you get on ?