Recently I’ve been really enjoying some work by Michele Weiner-Davis. One of her books I’ve been enjoying is ironically called ‘Fire you shrink’. She is very much a therapist herself while her techniques for success are very much based on what we would call strengths based working or solution based working.

What particularly resonated with me in her work was the way she drew attention to the whole impact on us from the work of Freud and our introspections about why problems may be occurring. Now don’t get me wrong I think Freuds’ place in history is very secure and I have no doubt that this being able to introspect and to find answers is very valid and real.

What Michele Weiner-Davis draws attention to though in this for me very much bridges the possible dark side of Counselling whereas we can go around in loops and not move anywhere into successful coaching. She speaks about how this continued introspection and searching for this why and the potential a ha can keep us more trapped rather than finding a way out and creating something new.

The author draws on the work of therapists like Milton Erikson who worked with these kinds of ideas.

A method used within this method which she recommends is the idea of ‘the miracle question’. She suggests reflecting on what would happen if a magic wand were waved and the issue was all sorted out and life was how you wanted it to be. It’s an interesting practice.

When you do this how would you be feeling? What would you be doing ? What would be happening around you ?

These kinds of questions allow a movement into this space and to draw on your own resources and to potentially start to act like this and therefore promoting change.

Another method discussed when couples for example were arguing was to ask what was occurring when things were going well. There is a presumption here that sometimes things are going well. By leaning into this and what is happening in those situations does it maybe become possible to do this more or to maybe bring over some of the skills that are being used at those points over into the times when things aren’t so good.

There was another method which was around breaking patterns. For example a couple who always fight at a certain time like clockwork or parents dealing with a child and there is a particular time where a certain routine follows through and somehow results in undesirable consequences usually of something anger related. By seeing it like steps in a pattern the possibility is looked at of just changing even one thing in the pattern as a way of maybe creating something new.

There’s a lot of depth to the book and a lot of different resources to take out. It’s by no means a quick fix and I still believe there are times when really going into things and feeling is very important. Nonetheless I found the discussion here very helpful. Just these few ideas here I feel could be good to give a go.

I’d encourage you to try the miracle question, the looking at what is going well to see if there are things there to build on and move into other areas, and to see if there are any particular disruptive patterns you could perhaps put in a different step in order to break and move to a more desirable outcome and future.

Best of luck.