I use the term ‘soul incubator’ to refer to the deep healing space we often need to create in the therapy. This is particularly the case when someone has experienced some kind of trauma.

It is here that giving the elegant foundational experiences of empathy, congruence, and unconditional acceptance can be the exact antithesis to what has been experienced by the client in the traumatic experience which will help you through.

Seeing the wound can be shocking for the client. Often it is at the point of leaving the destructive relationship that dramas that went on before this time start to come to the surface more.

It is vital here to be extra kind to yourself and think of how you would treat a good friend who is going through the same.

The great thing is that once we can see the wound the healing can start to happen in the incubator environment.

I work to create this in the therapeutic space then look to plan out how this is going to carry on after the session.

It’s important to remember there is no limit to the length of time we need to be in the incubator and to remember that the way out is the way through.

By being given the core conditions of empathy, congruence, and unconditional acceptance in the incubator we are being put more in touch with our own innate capacity to grow and heal.

I use an analogy around sport for this often and see it as if we are playing a sport and wondering why we are not scoring as much as we think we should, then we realise there is an injury there.

So its great, we know there is an injury, now its just the time and attention to heal it.

We can keep being in our incubator space and going out bit by bit and having our tests with different situations.

It’s like testing our new self. It doesnt matter what the outcome is were just trying and trying then coming back to the incubator as and when needed.

It’s good to enjoy being in the incubator too. Enjoy the relief you start to feel in healing the wounds and as time goes on you’ll also discover new jewels and parts of you which you never knew existed.

We can keep going into the incubator then making new plans and goals for our new life and our more constructive relationships.