Stages of competence.

When doing something new we naturally go through stages of competence. We start at unconscious incompetence. At this stage we don’t know what we don’t know what we don’t know so to speak. If we were to apply this to driving we don’t even know what a car is.

Following this we become consciously incompetent. We’re aware that there are cars and that we have no idea how to drive one although we may have an idea that learning could be a good idea. At this stage we may even have looked in a car and had an increasing realisation of I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

Following this we may start to learn and we become consciously competent over time. We are driving and we think constantly about what we are doing. We may have an ongoing dialogue with ourselves as we drive. Something like ok I need to change to second gear now, okay so I’m approaching a traffic light I must press brake and the brake is here.

After much practice and habit forming we then become unconsciously competent. This is where we are just driving. It’s what we do. We get in the car and we just drive.

It’s good to think of these stages and the term competent and what you may want to get competent in. We see this in kids learning to walk where they just try and try and ultimately get there. The key thing here is to just remember that it’s a journey of progress through the stages and we just learn by doing.

It’s about being aligned to what it is you are doing. Couples do this with me in their relationships as they build a new way of being with one another. It may feel unnatural at the start but as long as it’s aligned for you/you both it doesn’t matter. Just honour the stages and where you are at. What are you looking to get more competent in?