As someone who is specialising in supporting people to recover from narcissistic abuse I have realised more and more the absolute profoundness of working on the sense of emotional and physical safety. As silly as it may initially sound what happens when someone feels abused in whatever way is that they are emotionally afraid (sometimes physically too). This impacts on the solar plexus which is our centre of empowerment.

I think of the pyramid of needs by Abraham Maslow and how the lowest level is about safety and realised how many people who have suffered in this way simply do not feel safe so are therefore unable to progress through the stages. I practice mindfulness in sessions with clients and have also encouraged simple meditative practices of resting on the bed while looking up and just holding your stomach area and recognising that however unsafe you may have felt in the past that you are safe now ad you have the power now to look after yourself and keep yourself safe.

Carl Rogers said how when we have the core conditions of empathy congruence and unconditional positive regard we grow towards being more fully functioning. In this process rather than becoming more narcissistic (as was hypothesised by some) we actually become more constructive and giving while at the same time being able to look after ourselves well. We are able to regulate our emotions and ultimately work towards being a person of true service. It is hear that we need to recognise our humanness and that to some extent we are irrational beings. Carl Jung (one of my heroes) speaks of the rational and irrational connection. We are naturally organic and emotional. Narcissists often operate and demean using a highly rationalised cruel way of being which hijacks emotion and our own intuitive guidance (our organismic valusing process).

By looking after ourselves on this level and recognising and validating our need and right to safety we are able to grow into our truest and deepest selves.