I always remember when I studied Counselling and reading a book by Geoffrey Massan who said that therapy should be abolished. His view was that therapy is by it’s nature abusive. He had barely any conclusion as to what would replace it other than saying that people should make better friendship groups.

His views are generally not well accepted although he did make some good points around actual abuse eg sexual etc which had taken place at points which obviously need serious attention.

I find though that this sometimes comes up with clients whereas they see their friends/partners ‘should’ be able to do things for them.

There is innocence in this but it really needs to be gently nurtured out.

In therapy we focus on making interdependent relationships. 

Two people who are in touch with their own realities, making requests to one another, while being empathic, assertive, etc. We look at building H shape relationships (interdependent) rather than A shape (which are codependent)

We each have our own shadow and this is something people work on in therapy. Shadows are these part of ourselves which we don’t like so much. 

The courage of someone in therapy is the willingness to self examine then grow from this. After a process of therapy people can own their own shadow and build better relationships.

When people overly use friends/partners for all needed support this is where their shadows are inappropriately being put onto the other person. This moves into A shape relationships and causes intensity, disturbance and codependence.

We all need to do shadow work. This can be done with a therapist, it can be done via journaling (allowing a processing of icky feelings), also in close friendships a level of it being let out as additional support is wonderful.

If you are feeling distressed in some ways then having a friend/partner support network is fantastic but it is really important to acknowledge these feelings that are impacting your life and to reach out for therapeutic support. 

It’s time now to take away any stigma of therapy and know that all it is is a good shadow practice which we all may need now and again which is complimented by but never replaced by friendships and relationships.

Have a great day ! 

🙂
Phil J Walker