I’m interested in how music connects with us and impacts us (films too). I don’t think I was so familiar with this song actually (it must have passed me by somehow) but it was played in a movie called ‘Barbarian’ my partner and I saw at the cinema. A horror movie so played in a completely strange reverse mood kind of way.

It really stuck in my head and I found it curious researching into it a bit how in fact the Beach Boys cofounder Brian Wilson was known to listen to it hundreds of times over almost in some kind of trance. It’s said it inspired his music particularly Dont worry baby and Good vibrations.

At its simplest I think music is something we can just ‘do’ as an action to alter our state, like we go to the gym, or maybe watch a film or play a game rather than just waiting until we ‘feel like it’.

It seems likely there’s something universal too around an actual quality of different things and what they’re able to arouse and connect in the human spirit. The idea of music therapy is always something to keep in mind. It’s in my mind just now as somewhat unwell today.

What music particularly connects with you ? How do you use music in your life ?

I found this really interesting. I really like David Lynch s work and have been interested in the idea of Cinema therapy for a while and the way different movies and shows activate us.

Back when I did my degree I wrote a paper about movies we enjoy and why. There’s an idea that horror movies help us deal with fear.

I think movies and shows with characters we connect with can help us to grow by allowing us to bring out new parts of ourselves and relate scenarios to our own.

Lynch s movies incorporate a typically wider arena that the conventional waking state which a lot of movies operate in. Parts are often dreams (in the case of Mulholland drive) and parts are sometimes experiences of a person’s mind rather than being actual real characters (as in Lost Highway).

As I spend time studying dreams and transcendental meditation it’s interesting to note how limited we often think in purely our waking state. I think Lynch’s movies connect as they display his connection to the much wider landscape of the psyche.

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On ‘Anger management’.

Helping people to work to a greater level of emotional stability has been a big part of my work for some time now. Anger management is a common search term for how clients come to me.

What people have often noticed in themselves is that they are certainly getting more frustrated in their life than they’d like to be. They can recognise something is ‘off’ so to speak and I always let that be the start of the journey.

It’s interesting how the stereotype of someone working on ‘anger management’ is the idea of someone who recognises how they fly off the handle at the slightest small thing. This is definitely the case sometimes and in this we look in like archeologists at what happens to them emotionally when these seemingly trivial events happen which we know shouldn’t be so important to us.

By doing this clients are able to release emotions which are trapped in. I provide a space of exploration and often we find historical things there which can be allowed to come up naturally in our session which have been trapped in. By doing this people are able to then move to more constructive ways of being in the present.

Sometimes too clients come with what they originally identify as this stereotypical anger management as an issue but then go through a process of seeing that things in their life really arent the way they’d like them to be. There can be a process of seeing for example that they’re spending time in not so good company and doing things they’d really rather not be doing.

Although it’s true they need to manage their emotions better there is a truth that they have been feeling a bit disempowered in their current environment. It’s not uncommon for clients to tell me how they have been told by others they have anger issues and on seeing me are able to realise that whereas they have been more reactive than they’d like the truth is that they have been prodded by their partners or other people and regrettably acted out.

Here in particular there is the case of building the clients esteem and recognising their innocence and understanding that they aren’t perfect and don’t have to just fill the needs of others.

In both these cases there are some generalities I find to work through to become more balanced.

1. Recognising to look after you first and its’ self first and other relationships second. Practicing this allows a building of esteem and to show up in our highest integrity. Getting a good sleep, eating well, exercising, and a good level of self connection e.g. journaling, meditation is a great way to ground yourself.

2. Practice adult communication with relevant people. Learn to communicate your wants and needs. Think being assertive, honest and time appropriate. What do you really want and need from the situation?

A nice very behavioural hack also is to look at the times in the last week you’ve felt most and least balanced. What was going on ? What were you doing ? Note these down and think is it possible to somehow reduce the times you were least balanced emotionally by 10 percent and replace it with an activity that makes you balanced by 10 percent.

I remember when I had a lot of personal therapy back in early 2000s. I read a book I loved by Shirley Smith titled ‘Set yourself free’. It was all about releasing from trapping patterns and actually linked in with the idea of 12 step programs. I found it really powerful and it’s still one I’m happy to revisit at points.

Shirley Smith split the word responsibility to being ‘response able’ and said how it’s a challenging thing to take for ourselves. Being in a codependent state while being painful does have a pay off of not taking responsibility and seeing things that happen to us as luck/chance.

I thought I’d worked through all this but then today in a session with a Coach who helps me my level of responsibility was questioned again.

In the session I quoted certain in fact good successes in business but then externalized the success as being more due to chance rather than my actions.

I thought at first that it was an esteem issue and that I should take responsibility and feel good about what I’d done. My Coach helped me see there was another important angle here which was that by externalizing it and seeing it as more due to chance I was in fact letting myself off the hook to prevent potential further progress and going to the next level. It was quite an experience to see that I was in fact finding a way to not take responsibility.

It’s here that I guess fear was part of the equation that I didn’t acknowledge. By seeing that I had been in a good part responsible allowed a boost in esteem which was good but also meant that I was taking the more challenging path by seeing I had created it and could work to do more of certain things rather than just waiting for things to happen.

I’ve been learning more how the brain is always trying to keep us safe. One coach once said something along the lines of that the brain works to keep you safe so if you want to be really happy and live your best life then that’s really up to you.

It was interesting to me how maybe the brain in this sense is always trying to find an opening to pull more to safety rather than growth towards the good life. I was able to see where I can in fact take more responsibility and therefore take more creative action to work towards designing my own life.

I wanted to share with you then ask you if this resonates in your

life ? Are you taking responsibility as well as you can ?

I’m working to be more aware of this and make it a discipline while recognizing it as a potential issue and downfall.