I work with people daily who are dealing with difficult people in their lives.  Sometimes it’s a case of people working through a conflict and just being able to show up more maturely which can then strengthen the relationship or maybe end a relationship all for the better.  Somewhere in the middle of this though is the process of really identifying that someone is having a crazy impact on you and are playing the role of a kind of villain in your hero’s journey.

When we’re involved with difficult people it’s very easy to lose our frame of reference and to doubt ourselves.  This is often a point people start to engage in sessions with me.  Recognising that our experiences are valid and that we are worthy of respect can be an important start point from which we can then figure out what is going to be the best communication style for the person at hand.

I see people start to tackle the smaller challenge people first which all makes sense.  Then people move on to new levels.  Being able to hold your own reality and to be able to respect yourself enough to be able to get into the driver’s seat of your own life and see someone as genuinely problematic can be a challenging while also empowering experience.  

I work with people in my sessions and also in my foundation builder program to get into the driver’s seat of their life as the hero in their story.  By making this into a kind of game and quest it can be helpful to see like in any quest there are villains to deal with.  There can be grief which comes up in seeing the truth clearly but also a relief in creating a clear vision of where we want to get to and identifying strategies of how we deal with the villain.

It’s good to ultimately recognise how seeing clearly really is in the long run the least painful and more pleasurable option.  I often support clients to reach this point.

Who do we need to be to deal with this person well ?  What kind of communication tools do we need ?  How do we manage our time and energy so we can dance around them so to speak and still move towards our goals ?

I find it’s always a journey of building the foundations in yourself combined with finding the best communication strategy.

In making it gameful by seeing the villain we can also look around us at where our power ups are.  What makes us feel good ?  Who are our allies to support us and cheer us on?  Seeing the villains clearly is playing a new level of a game.  You will likely get scared and overwhelmed but by getting traction and clocking up some wins it’s more than possible to move to new levels and a new way of being.