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November 13, 2024

Are you really free to be yourself ?

Breaking Free: Finding Inspiration in Shirley Smith’s Work

One of my favorite books on breaking free from limitations is Shirley Smith’s Set Yourself Free. Years ago, during my own journey through counseling, I found this book incredibly powerful. Smith centers her work around a question that resonated deeply with me: “Am I really free?” She shares how her journey with 12-step programs helped her move beyond codependency and toward genuine freedom. This journey involves moving to a place where we can be fully ourselves, and from there, we often find we connect with the right people. Shirley’s personal experiences and insights offer a relatable pathway toward greater freedom.

A Classic Text on Codependency

In my research into codependency, I came across the powerful words of Melody Beattie, a major voice on this topic. Beattie famously said, “Caring what others think is the cornerstone of codependence.” Her book Codependent No More has become a classic, guiding countless readers in understanding and healing from codependent behaviors. If you’re interested, here’s a link to a video where she discusses the latest edition of her book. Her work reminds us of the importance of setting ourselves free from excessive concern over others’ opinions.

Beattie’s quote has resonated with me over the years, as I’ve come to see that, while we’re all wired for connection, we also need to experience the freedom to be ourselves. True growth often requires the courage to speak honestly with others and establish healthy boundaries.

Role Models for Freedom and Authenticity: David Icke’s Journey

A great example of breaking free to be authentic without fear of judgment is author David Icke. In the early 1990s, after a spiritual awakening, Icke was publicly ridiculed on national television. He has shared that, despite facing laughter on the street, this experience actually freed him, allowing him to live in alignment with his truth. He continued on his path, eventually finding people who understood and supported his journey. Regardless of what people may think of his work, his story demonstrates a powerful model of staying true to oneself.

Embracing Healthy Aloneness and Trusting the Journey

When we choose authenticity, it can naturally lead to changes in our relationships. Personal growth inevitably impacts those around us, and this change may involve spending more time in what I call “healthy aloneness.” Learning to enjoy one’s own company is a valuable skill that can open the door for healthier connections. Eventually, the right people come along, aligning with who we truly are.

This journey of breaking free requires trust. Remaining in a codependent state, however, involves living a lie—pretending to be someone we’re not. Without personal integrity, we are prone to addictive relationships and may feel trapped in others’ shadows. Although challenging, the journey of being true to ourselves is always worth it.

Brene Brown on Vulnerability and True Belonging

Brené Brown eloquently captures the courage of this journey with her words: “True belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.” In her book Braving the Wilderness, Brown discusses the paradox of belonging, explaining that to truly connect, we must stand authentically alone at times. Her TED Talk on vulnerability has also become widely popular, and I highly recommend it for anyone interested in exploring these ideas.

Reaching Out for Support

If you feel trapped by others’ judgments or struggle to express your true self, this is something we can work on together. You don’t have to face these challenges alone.

Take care and all the best,
Phil
Counsellor and Provisional Member of the New Zealand Association of Counsellors

Book a Session
Book in directly here
📞 021 058 3234
🌐 www.newbeginningstherapy.co.nz
📧 philip@newbeginningstherapy.co.nz

November 6, 2024

How to book your counselling session for flexible, personalised support

Introduction:
Whether you’re seeking clarity, emotional support, or new coping strategies, counselling can be a powerful way to navigate life’s challenges. Finding the right time and method to start can make a huge difference. Here at New Beginnings Therapy, I offer both online and in-person sessions, with flexible booking options to fit your unique schedule and needs. It couldn’t be easier to book your first Counselling session. Just go here and book an online or in-person session now.

1. Why Consider booking a Counselling session?

If you’re new to counselling or revisiting it, it’s natural to have questions. Counselling provides a safe, confidential space to explore your thoughts and feelings, develop new perspectives, and work through specific issues or transitions in life. Online and in-person options mean you can choose what works best for you, whether it’s from the comfort of home or face-to-face in a welcoming environment. My online sessions are all via zoom and my in-person sessions are all at Highland Park Community House in Auckland.

My specialty for some time is helping people to build their best possible relationship with themselves and best possible relationships with others. Counselling can help with many things though and much tends to become interrelated. Do feel free to reach out to discuss what it is specifically you would like to work on and we can discuss if I can help. It’s never been easier to book your first counselling session and get started with me.

See the link here about things Counselling can help with. Is there something here which particularly stands out to you ?

2. The Benefits of Flexible Online Counseling

Life can be hectic, making it difficult to find time for self-care. Online counseling offers flexibility, allowing you to have your session wherever you are. Many clients find that virtual sessions are more convenient, helping them fit mental health support into their busy lives. Research has shown that online therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy, so you can feel confident about making this choice.

3. How to Book a Counselling Session

Booking a session is straightforward and designed to make it as simple as possible. Here’s how to get started:

  • Step 1: Visit our booking page where you can choose a convenient time.
  • Step 2: Select the type of session you’d like – online or in-person.
  • Step 3: Complete the booking form, and you’ll receive a confirmation email with all the details you need for your session.

4. Counselling session availability and Counselling packages

If the calendar is free and you are keen to book a one time session feel free to go right ahead. If the calendar is open then so am I although I will message you about any issues. My best value offers are my packages of sessions which I do in packages of 10 or packages of 5. These are great to give a discount and also to do focussed work on a specific issue.

Some people do like to dive into a package straight away but typically people tend to book an individual session first. I do find that having an individual session first can ensure the rapport is definitely there and you do feel great about continuing into a package. If you do want to go straight into a package though do send me a mail or give me a call and we’ll have a bit of back and forth just to make sure it’s right for you

5. What to Expect in your first Counselling Session

For many, the first session is an opportunity to talk about your current situation, set goals, and get to build rapport. We’ll work together to create a comfortable environment and work to gain insight into what is going on for you and what you’d like to get from Counselling.

Ready to Take the First Step into Counselling?

I’m here to support you whenever you’re ready. You can book your first counselling session directly through this link, or reach out with any questions at:

Taking the first step can be the hardest, but it’s also the most empowering. I look forward to supporting you on your journey.

All the best

Phil

November 6, 2024

On Synchronicity

It was Carl Jung who came up with the idea of ‘synchronicity’. Funnily enough he actually knew Albert Einstein and it was inspired by Einstein’s theory of relativity.

So, what is synchronicity ?

Put simply ‘synchronicty’ is meaningful coincidences. It’s where things happen which are coincidental and go alongside a kind of ‘ding’ type of experience shall we say. Carl Jung holds that such are indicators for us that we are on our path of individuation. He wrote a book by this name I personally really enjoyed.

A particular one Carl Jung reports was of a patient of his who was The “golden scarab” story. This is one of Carl Jung’s most famous examples of synchronicity. In this story, Jung was treating a woman who was very rational and resistant to therapy. She described a dream about receiving a golden scarab (a type of beetle, symbolizing transformation in Egyptian mythology).

As she shared the dream, Jung heard a tapping on the window. He opened it and, amazingly, a scarab-like beetle (a rose chafer, with a golden-green color) flew into the room. He handed the beetle to the patient, saying, “Here is your scarab.” This moment of synchronicity broke down her rational defenses, making her more receptive to therapy.

What’s important to recognise here is that not only was this a coincidence but it was a coincidence which was meaningful at that time which had an impact on the client. Other examples highlighted by Jung were someone who was delivered an incorrect suit which was delivered as a black suit (rather than the ordered colour). Shortly afterwards learned that someone had passed away and he needed to attend the funeral.

Jung saw these as a meaningful coincidences that highlighted the connection between the inner world (her dream) and outer events. This therefore illustrated how synchronicity can reveal significant, transformative moments in life.

The joining of the rational and the irrational and left and right brain functions

Carl Jung spoke about the connection of the rational and the irrational and how they are both necessary for our journey in life. Society these days tends to have a reinforcement of predominantly a left-brain way of viewing the world in terms of logical and rationality. Our often-neglected right side though is this place where we find unity and wholeness. It’s also the place of symbols from our unconscious which can guide us on our journey of individuation sometimes from these synchronous experiences. Both seem equally important as far as I can tell for full living. There’s another book which discusses Jung’s friendship with Wolfgang Pauli . This interestingly discusses this rational and irrational connection taking place and being essential for growth.

It’s here where dream work can be helpful to acknowledge so we can keep becoming as conscious as possible of symbols which are coming through to us and what they may mean. I recently wrote a blog on dreams you can find here

I’m becoming increasingly aware personally how there is such an over emphasis on the left side of the brain in terms of how we are conditioned by society. I think that a level of taking this back and syncing ourselves so to speak is essential for our individuation journey.

If you’re feeling somewhat blocked and like things aren’t quite right feel free to get in contact. We can work together to help you on your journey of individuation.

Take care until then

Phil

021 058 3234

www.newbeginningstherapy.co.nz

philip@newbeginningstherapy.co.nz

Book in directly here

November 6, 2024

Election Perception and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Journey

As the U.S. presidential election unfolds, election perception and empowerment become crucial themes to consider. Nonstop media coverage can pull our focus outward, hijacking our attention and distracting us from personal growth. Here, I’ll explore how staying focused on our own “hero’s journey” can help us reclaim empowerment. So even in a high-stakes election season we can stop our perception becoming hijacked.

How Media Shapes Election Perception and can prevent Empowerment

The nonstop coverage of the U.S. election influences perception far beyond U.S. borders. This high-intensity, divisive coverage easily draws us in and can lead us to feel deeply invested in outcomes. While we may think we’re “staying informed,” this focus often diverts us from our own lives. This can limit our personal empowerment, especially by just watching mainstream coverage.

Embracing Your Hero’s Journey

In my work, I emphasize the concept of the hero’s journey, inspired by Joseph Campbell’s A Hero with a Thousand Faces. This journey is about finding personal meaning and empowerment and seeing ourselves as the central figure. However, focusing too much on external figures, like political leaders, can lead us to view them as “saviors,” thus reducing our own role in our lives. You may not think you’re doing this but it’s good to think about and check into. By checking this then by embracing our own hero’s journey we can maintain our empowerment and avoid our perception becoming hijacked.

The Risk of Viewing External Figures as Saviors

When we rely on external figures, we risk our personal empowerment. Following recent events, some public figures have been framed as “saviors” in the media. This can lead us to place responsibility for our well-being on them. Donald Trump has been focussed on as some kind of savior with the failed assassination attempt being seen as some kind of divine intervention (obviously not divine enough to save the guy behind him). Elon Musk has also got much more political and seen as some kind of saviour of free speech. Interestingly when you dig a little deeper you can see how his newly bought X (formally twitter) has an interesting processing of shadow banning people. Same outcome. Kamala Harris is the supposed champion of diversity and womens rights, oh and she’s the one who let millions across the border though.

It’s easy to get hijacked by one side or the other and away from our own heroes journey and our own search for information. Looking outside too much can reduce our empowerment by directing it outward rather than inward. Carl Jung once said ‘those who look outside dream, those who look in awaken’.

I also keep being presented with the words of Socrates who said ‘wisest is one who knows they do not know’. By keeping this in mind we can keep recognising things we know while also continuously looking at what we may not know. This way our views of those outside us can stay as panoramic as possible and not just a focus on one side or the other. We can keep up a constant search for information while maintaining our own sovereignty.

Strengthening Personal Empowerment

Our hero’s journey benefits from grounding practices that keep our focus on personal empowerment. Meditation, self-reflection, and setting personal goals help us reclaim power we may unknowingly give away. Carl Jung emphasized the importance of finding one’s path and becoming your own inner hero, a principle I use with clients. Recognizing our potential for growth keeps us grounded and less impacted by outside events, such as the election.

If you’d like to deepen your hero’s journey and reclaim your own empowerment, I’d be happy to support you. I offer in-person and online sessions designed to help clients focus on their personal growth.

Go here to book in directly or contact me via my details below.

All the best

Phil

Phone: 64 21 058 3234
Email: philip@newbeginningstherapy.co.nz
Website: newbeginningstherapy.co.nz