I remember a colleague of mine passed on this teaching and I love it. Self love is often the essence of teaching in the therapeutic relationship.  So often though we lose it.  Sometimes when we’re struggling just asking ourselves this question can be an incredibly liberating experience.  When you are feeling stuck just ask yourself this question then do whatever the answer is.  Do you need to take a rest, do you just need some time to yourself ?

I realise we all have responsibilities and things we want to achieve but there isn’t really any point if we don’t have this foundation inside.  Last week I used this and it felt wonderful.  For weeks I’d been getting on with so much body priming and amazing active work (which was actually great) but I was in need of some more yin type attention.  Giving myself some time to just relax and be.  Going to the gym to the classes a little less for one week and having a few rest ins and some time reading were actually invaluable.

It’s really interesting being a therapist and a coach and often almost feeling I see different sides to growth and healing.  There’s the powerful coaching world which is amazing and priming the body which is all amazing but there is the therapeutic relationship which I feel will always be so valuable.  It’s in this space that I usually find all the idea of self love more present.

I’d recommend you ask this question to yourself and work to make it a regular thing.  Always fill your own cup to overflowing, then you can be of the best possible service to the world and to those you love.

I have been reading a book about the life of Steve Jobs. I enjoy reading about the connection he had to the East and all that made him who he was. I always find it necessary for my personal integrity to always add that I strongly disapprove and will forever find what he did to his daughter disgraceful. I feel though in role models it’s always fine to take parts of people you like. I’m only just learning about him but find the intensity and meticulousness he seemed to have somehow combined with a vision and this elegant sense of simplicity so powerful. He really was a next level kind of person in ways.

The book speaks about his constant search for self awareness. Something I can admire and connect with. He reportedly connected with the idea of primal scream therapy which was apparently developed originally by a Los Angeles Therapist called Arthur Janov. I never personally knew the whole theory of it before reading this but it makes sense that it is in fact based on the Freudian idea that psychological problems are caused by repressed pain of childhood. So they could therefore be let go by re suffering and letting go of the moment in screams.

John Lennon was another famous person to have undergone this and both had childhood issues of abandonment.

Jobs was reportedly more centred and confident after doing this although himself said it was oversimplistic.

I practiced this myself in a workshop a couple of years ago. It was certainly a very liberating experience. I can’t say for me that it did anything so lasting. I am more just curious about it as a practice.

It was interesting as Steve Jobs spoke about doing it and how he said itw as preferable to him than the typical western analysing as you were more just doing something . ‘This was not something to think about. This was something to do: to close your eyes; hold your breath, jump in, and come out the other end more insightful.’

I have found on my journey the sometimes lacking nature of pure therapy where it just involves words and analysing and the power of just doing stuff. Whether that is moving your body, playing a game, or maybe here a primal scream.

I am wondering from my reading of therapy more traditionally activates the left more rational side of the brain but this kind of activity activates more of the left and perhaps can access at a deeper kind of level.

I think there is a quality of just being on a search for growth and to have the spirit of just giving stuff a go. So here is another thing. A primal scream. Do you want to try one ? 🙂

I read this really interesting passage in the book ‘Principles’ by Ray Dalio p159. I found it quite profound and important. It seemed clear for me that seeing this distinction then operating as the designer in your life is vital.

‘One of the hardest things for people to do is to objectively look down on themselves within their circumstances (ie their machine) so that they can act as the machine’s designer and manager. Most people remain stuck in the perspective of being a worker within the machine. If you can recognise the differences between those roles and that it is much more important that you are a good designer/manager of your life than a good worker in it, you will be on the right path.

To be successful, the ‘designer/manager you’ has to be objective about the ‘worker you’ is really like, not believing in him more than he deserves, or putting him in jobs he shouldn’t be in. Instead of having this strategic perspective, most people operate emotionally and in the moment; their lives are a series of undirected emotional experiences, going from one thing to the next. If you want to look back on your life and feel you’ve achieved what you wanted to, you can’t operate that way.’

It’s interesting how they say depression and anxiety are two sides of the same coin. I have suffered from depression/anxiety on and off over the years and to be clear I fully believe in medication as a buffer. It has helped me on numerous occasions.

I have grown more skeptical over the years though as depression outside of things such as bipolar and and schizophrenia actually having a non stop biological structure that can’t be impacted by changes in perspective and having the right coaching etc to bring the person out more fully.

I’ll never forget the mens retreat I was on earlier this year and the second coaching session made the whole event worthwhile and literally from that moment on I have not touched my medication.

I feel in our therapy culture we can spend time going over and over things and not switching the depressed state but actually reinforcing it. Anxiety is ultimately fear and the antidote of that is courage. I’m not saying that someone who is anxious or depressed lacks courage at all but rather maybe the way on their journey has likely become a bit lost and is going around in loops and just needs to get centred, be able to regain control and then get a new focus on where they are heading.

I remember really leaning in during this intense session then it was like I was suddenly coming into my body more. I got really angry, then I grieved a loss of someone I felt I’d pushed away. It was followed by a series of dreams I’ve had over the years of playing video games (buried passion of my meness coming back).

To reiterate I have taken medication and am a big supporter. Once my depression was diagnosed as severe and another time I’m not sure I could have started hobbies (like running which lifted me significantly) and lead to me ultimately coming off them. I think what we see often though is very long term use of medication and if we think about people on them are they actually getting happier through them which is supposedly the idea ? My stance is that medication is a buffer to get to a greater equilibrium but by the right help we are ultimately able to blast through into our passionate full lives.