It’s curious that there is a rise in female narcissism. I’ll be honest and say in my practice that most people who come to me with the issue of narcissism impacting their lives are women but men certainly come through aswell.

A common triple horror which victims of narcissists go through is feeling like they have never done so much for someone, they have never been treated so badly, and in the end they are labelled as the abuser.

My romantic interlude with a very likely female narcissist was very ongoing. First of all involving this triad which seemed to ultimately die down. When I thought it was actually over just over two years later the individual then used the #metoo movement to claim a sexual assault had taken place.

I don’t usually share this part of the story but I’m feeling now it’s actually important for my overall integrity and the person I’m becoming so I’m constantly reaching out and impacting more people to know I was there too.

I realise more now how there is a level narcissists go to which is just beyond humane and this is why I believe in reference to my other post there is possibly a level where words like ‘evil’ can be used.

I still consider myself fortunate in how I got off the hook as later on I realised their next victim had actually tried to kill themselves. If you are on this page and you are out then as much as it may have all been horrible try to have a reflect on what you have to be grateful for.I was particularly fortunate in this situation as my abuser wasn’t actually stupid enough to name me but rather made round about references to get narcissistic supply to give implication of me. I was fortunate too that due to the person in my case being a lower functioning narcissist there wasn’t even a congruent story making it quite quickly non believable to atleast most trusted people I knew.

I sometimes share the idea in reference to female narcissists of the siren in Greek mythology. It’s a great archetype to draw reference to. In my partly written book I draw reference to the song by This Mortal Coil ‘Song to the Siren’ and the lyrics ‘Touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow.’I’ll never forget the emotional turmoil of being sucked in more and more and feeling like I was eroding on the rocks until I was an empty shell of a man. Still now 5 years later I feel there are parts of me I am reclaiming. I feel it’s really important to realise that when we have these experiences it does leave us so dishevelled that we have the capacity to grow into someone we would never have become otherwise.

I feel in my own transformative process there is huge energy left over from all this going into such deep wounding which is still in process of coming out for my life work to come.I’m sure many people had worse experiences than me and some not as bad but I have always felt through mine and how defining it has been left me with the capacity to be able to empathise deeply with those who have had these experiences. My thoughts are with you on your journey through.

Cultivating a sense of safety through The Artists Way by Julia CameronWhen we have had a past which has been destructive to some degree the safety needs we have have been torn out of us. We all grow up needing safety and when these needs are not met it means there is greater capacity for destructive relationships later on/destructive experiences.I really like the book ‘The Artists Way’ by Julia Cameron as a possible way to start working on this. The book is light and creative and insightful while also working with something of very foundational importance.She speaks throughout about journaling which is studied as a power in processing and being in greater contact with a healthy subconscious mind. 20 minutes a day of journaling and letting a stream of consciousness just pour out can be a life changing experience.Julia Cameron has a chapter in her book also dedicated to creating a space of safety. I would recommend doing the two together.Safety is one of the foundational parts in Maslows hierarchy of needs. Regenerating this helps us to therefore grow more healthy parts of the pyramid on top.

This is one of my favourite quotes of all time. It’s by Carl Rogers who was one of the founders of Humanistic Therapy. I’d like you to have a lean in and see if you are being an educated person based on this definition.

I believe strongly in education although feel this is only to a modicum degree covered in traditional schooling. Education is a lifelong pursuit.

I love how the root of the word education is ‘educe’ meaning ‘to bring out’ in latin.

To bring out what is within. Education is different for everyone while a vital component of the good life in my view and the view of Carl Rogers.

Carl Rogers discusses stages of personality development as moving from being static to more fluid.

I have noticed in myself times when I have become blocked and been more static.

I’ve found that often the conditioning of searching for the ‘right’ answer like we’re trained to in school can sometimes be a block.

I’ve found that true education is often unlearning as well as learning. Importantly too it’s learning by doing. Falling over and making mistake after mistake as we grow and bring out what is inside.

Caro Rogers also talks about the organismic valuing process. The idea that inside we know the right way forward when we have conditions on us taken away.

When we are allowed to trust ourselves and be we move forward in a way which is constructive for ourselves and also for society.

This leads to the actualising life. This is often distorted by society and different ways we may have been influenced.

The way forward may not be conventional but it is constructive when the appropriate conditions are given.

I’d invite you to lean in and question your education in terms of if you are able to grow and to change as a marker.

For my personal self development which I consider lifelong I have been finding it quite profound over the last few weeks in thinking I most likely have some traits of ADHD which are well worthy of acknowledgement in how I manage myself and my life.

I have downloaded a book which I am finding incredibly helpful and insightful. Just now I found this 50 tips article online which also seemed great. I wanted to share it for anyone interested.

https://www.lanc.org.uk/…/u…/2011/08/Adults-ADHD-50-tips.pdf