I’ve become really aware in my recent personal growth work about the danger of personal development events and also even my own work as a Counsellor and Coach and how there can be a danger of people just becoming all inspired but then not really shifting gear into a new self.

I’ve been to these events. They can be a tonne of fun but sometimes it can actually be like eating a massive chocolate cake. You’re on a high for a good few days but then you crash and there’s a reflection of wondering what actually happened, what really changed, have you changed for the better ?

Personal development is all cool but its’ vital that it involves the transformational change of the individual, however that looks. There’s this ‘fluff’ on the top which must be cleared away.

I can see how there is potential for coaches to operate purely in this domain if they really wanted. Just leaving people with the all inspired feelings but without the transformation actually occurring at all.

For me personally I can see how excited I often am about Counselling and Coaching stuff. This is great as it is my passion. I’m learning though now to strike a balance of the giving of information while really letting my clients find out their own answers and really most importantly doing their exercises themselves so they get stronger.

This is therefore not often the same ‘high’ as would be possible with an information overload but it is what helps the most.

There are times when I really need to strongly turn the spotlight onto clients. This isn’t because I’m being mean, it’s because I can see where the best growth is most likely to occur.

I really like working with ‘accountability’ thesedays if my clients are comfortable and if it is a good fit. This can be good when people are having a bit of the coaching style stuff not just the Counselling. It’s not a homework but just a saying at the end of sessions what my client would like to do in the next week. We make a shared note of it then the next time I just check in and ask how it went.

The power of just knowing someone is going to ask can be helpful. It can always give a nice platform to move from in the following session.

I use the term ‘soul incubator’ to refer to the deep healing space we often need to create in the therapy. This is particularly the case when someone has experienced some kind of trauma.

It is here that giving the elegant foundational experiences of empathy, congruence, and unconditional acceptance can be the exact antithesis to what has been experienced by the client in the traumatic experience which will help you through.

Seeing the wound can be shocking for the client. Often it is at the point of leaving the destructive relationship that dramas that went on before this time start to come to the surface more.

It is vital here to be extra kind to yourself and think of how you would treat a good friend who is going through the same.

The great thing is that once we can see the wound the healing can start to happen in the incubator environment.

I work to create this in the therapeutic space then look to plan out how this is going to carry on after the session.

It’s important to remember there is no limit to the length of time we need to be in the incubator and to remember that the way out is the way through.

By being given the core conditions of empathy, congruence, and unconditional acceptance in the incubator we are being put more in touch with our own innate capacity to grow and heal.

I use an analogy around sport for this often and see it as if we are playing a sport and wondering why we are not scoring as much as we think we should, then we realise there is an injury there.

So its great, we know there is an injury, now its just the time and attention to heal it.

We can keep being in our incubator space and going out bit by bit and having our tests with different situations.

It’s like testing our new self. It doesnt matter what the outcome is were just trying and trying then coming back to the incubator as and when needed.

It’s good to enjoy being in the incubator too. Enjoy the relief you start to feel in healing the wounds and as time goes on you’ll also discover new jewels and parts of you which you never knew existed.

We can keep going into the incubator then making new plans and goals for our new life and our more constructive relationships.

Ive been loving the work of Jane McGonigal recently and her ideas around gaming and it’s connection to mental health.

In part of her work she speaks about her own head trauma she suffered then starting to develop an attitude like she was in a game eg looking for her ‘power ups’ in the day and how this helped her. The book she wrote was called Super better’. Ive got in on order myself and it got some great reports.

It got me looking at my life more like this and thinking about where my power ups are and acknowledging when I need them.

Today the gym was a massive one. I felt on empty then the run on the machine was so invigorating. I was like the game character on the last square of life then suddenly getting the replenishment.

I find that looking at life through the game kind of lens though can go much bigger than this though.

Games and simulations are the second best way to learn after doing the real thing. See the cone of learning (1969). Robert Kiyosaki discusses this in his books on Entrepreneurship.

Playing games for me now is a power up and also a simulation learning tool around epic stories and putting me as the centre hero which can be applied. Although I’m yet to get so into role playing games I can see how as an idea they are all about connection making with others then moving to complete your mission and make the big difference in the world.

I’ve become interested in human qualities created here of epic meaning, being productive, and being a hopeful person who feels they can make a difference. ( as Jane McGonigal discuses in her videos)

I can see too how in games we learn in our most primal way we work by just doing and making mistakes and doing again, like a child learning to walk. I refer to this a lot with clients and it relates a lot to what Robert Kiyosaki discusses in his books how in school we are taught mistakes are bad but they are our greatest tools for growth provided we learn from them.

Work I’ve been doing recently about being in the ‘ho hum’ of life versus being in the creative space makes it clear that it’s when we can centre ourselves as the hero and navigator of our life is the edge of our comfort zone is where life truly begins.

The ho hum is just some stuff being good, some bad and recreating these same patterns. Its okay if that’s where you want to be but it can be helpful to see that this is what you are creating and its up to you if you stay there or not.

Taking a few minutes to be mindful of your patterns and what you do can be key to then finding a way out to a more creative adventure and to move towards what it is you really want and to what it is you can offer.

I think it’s easy to be in the ho hum and not even be aware of our power ups. Just being in the current, current affairs, current trends, just being pulled along.

It takes discipline to anchor ones self and to take charge and to recognise the patterns we are recreating.

I’ve been learning that seeing yourself as the hero in your story is a really powerful way to live and work. Recognising where your power ups are, playing your own karma cards and ultimately just moving to be the best you can be.

Ive been thinking a lot today about the Helen Keller quote ‘Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing.’ Ask yourself where you would put your life right now and remember it’s your choice.

I’d like to encourage you to start to learn by games too as a power up and something that make you better at life. Right now I am havng a great appreciation for my video game time as a power up and general me building up. I also regularly have meetings to play the cashflow boardgame to learn financial intelligence. Id recommend checking out Jane McGonigals work on exciting power of games too and the great qualities created.

Ask yourself how you are learning right now and if you are in the ho um or at you creative edge. What does it take for you to change ?

All too often we can just be in the ho hum of life and Id like you to question if this is where you are and what it will take for you to move out of this into your creative hero journey.

Where are the power ups you need? What roles are you playing you want to leave behind? It can be so easy to get stagnant but life can really be the adventure with you as the centre figure if you want it to be.

I went to toastmasters on Tuesday evening. It was my third time in total and first time as an actual member.

It’s a powerful place to be for pure uplifting. I think of things I read about uplevelling your group and just being around people who are growing. There is so much of that. A wonderful energy.

My goal was to also be one of the people engaging so I did this. I’m sure I was terrible and thought back on the teaching of if something is worth doing it’s worth doing poorly at first.

Me and another guy did a two minute conversation based on the story of ‘We are the last 2 people on earth’.

The environment is supporting and you get given constructive feedback.

It is a good humbling lesson in the ultimate learning in the cone of learning of just learning by doing.

Personally I hope from this group to improve my speaking and therefore leadership skills to help my life personally and in business.

It was amazing to see the contrast of people who were so experienced then versus myself and also people who introduced themselves at the end who were coming for the first time and saying what they hoped to achieve.

One lady expressed having quite a negative mental health experience not long ago and now coming here to build a new self.

I noticed my triggering on the way there personally of nerves. It feels quite big for me personally.

I am dedicated to going there every two weeks with just having the goal of improvement.

I’d recommend finding a local toastmasters group to anyone looking to build skills around confidence, speaking, and leadership.