For those of you who’ve worked with me or read my blogs before, you’ll know how much I believe in exploring the deeper themes that shape our relationships and personal growth. Recently, I’ve been reflecting on one of the most painful challenges couples face. This challenge is betrayal and the process of rebuilding trust after betrayal.

It’s no exaggeration to say that betrayal shatters trust. It leaves one partner feeling vulnerable, hurt, and questioning everything they thought was secure. For the other partner—the one who caused the hurt—it often brings feelings of guilt and the daunting realization of how hard the path to repair will be. 

Rebuilding trust isn’t an easy task; in fact, I call it the “walking over broken glass experience.” Why? Because the journey is often fraught with discomfort, effort, and the need to tread carefully. Yet, if both partners are willing to show up, there is a way forward. 

The Partner Who Feels Betrayed: Learning to Trust Again 

If you’ve experienced betrayal, you might be wondering, “How can I trust again?” It’s an incredibly vulnerable position to be in. You may feel a tug-of-war between wanting to protect yourself and hoping for a connection to heal. 

One of the most challenging (yet essential) steps in this process is allowing space for your emotions—anger, sadness, fear—all of it. Trust doesn’t have to come back overnight, and that’s okay. What matters is that you’re open to the possibility of healing, even if it feels far away. 

Ask yourself: 

• What does trust look like for me now? 

• What do I need from my partner to feel safe again? 

• Do I still want to be in the relationship? 

The Partner Who Betrayed: Showing Up with Diligence 

For those on the other side—the ones who caused the betrayal—the road to rebuilding trust requires consistent, extra diligence. Trust is earned, often in small moments. This can mean committing to radical honesty, deep listening, and showing through actions (not just words) that you’re willing to do the work. 

Consider: 

• Are you willing to face your partner’s pain without defensiveness? 

• How can you consistently show that you’re trustworthy moving forward? 

This is the place I call the ‘walking over broken glass’ occurs.  It’s in this space where it’s common for the person who has been betrayed to make requests that wouldn’t be ‘normal’ without the betrayal.  I have had clients who have requested more access to the others phone for example.  
 
Here it is very important for both partners to be honest about their wants and needs and what they are willing to do and not do.  It’s never about me as the therapist being the judge in any way but merely to point out that such a thing generally does occur.  The question ultimately comes down to does the person who has been betrayed still want to be in the relationship? Then does the other person really want to be in it too and to show up and build the bridge of trust which they broke? 

Moving Forward 

If you’re navigating betrayal, my heart goes out to you. This is not an easy road, but you don’t have to walk it alone. My work as a counselor is to help couples rebuild their connection, one step at a time. I can help to guide through the “walking over broken glass experience”. We try to work toward a place of understanding, trust, and growth. 

If this resonates with you, I’d love to help. 

All the best, 

Phil 

To book in a one time session with me go here
For details on my Counselling packages go here
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For more information on this topic you may also get something from the following articles:

How to rebuild trust after a betrayal in a relationship. In Psychology Today.

10 ways to rebuild trust in a relationship. From Healthline.