As the years go by, I see men struggling increasingly, which is devastating to see. When I first got into therapy in the early 2000s, I remember reading a book called “Manhood” by Steve Biddulph. It’s a wonderful book, and it saddens me that such empowered thinking hasn’t been integrated into men’s wellbeing culturally.

I’ve read it a few times and often think back on it when I work with men in my practice. I remember it talking about cultivating a sense of ‘heart’ and ‘backbone’ and how our ideas of what it means to be a man have become misguided or lost. The 50s idea of the John Wayne cowboy and, more recently, the new age sensitive guy—both lacking in authenticity.

I highly recommend that book as a kind of bible for you if you’re a man struggling with men’s wellbeing.

Common Issues in Men’s Mental Health

Let’s look at common issues indicating men’s mental health struggles. This may help you shine some light on them for yourself and see if there’s anything you can do to improve your men’s wellbeing. Remember, you can contact me for counseling.

Men’s Physical Health

Firstly, think of your physical health. Are you eating and exercising well? Exercise is still underrated for men’s wellbeing. A good diet of fruits and vegetables, with less sugar and alcohol, is a great foundation. Exercising at least three times per week is ideal. Start simple: can you take a 30-minute walk a few times a week?

Men’s Social Wellbeing

How’s your social wellbeing? Men typically struggle here more than women because we express emotions less. We are relational beings wired for connection, which is crucial for men’s wellbeing. How is your social life? Are you well connected? When I moved to NZ, knowing only one person, I used Meetup.com to find groups with common interests. Are you in touch with old friends? It’s easier to connect online, but person-to-person contact is essential.

Men’s Intellectual Wellbeing

Are you learning something new that interests you? Ken Wilber suggests everyone needs a ‘mind’ component in their life. Keeping our minds active and growing is crucial for men’s wellbeing. What could you become more competent in? How are things at your job? Happiness often ties to progress. Choosing something to improve can have a significant effect on wellbeing.

Creating Order from Chaos for Better Wellbeing

If the above seems too big, look around you. What can you tidy up? A lecture I watched discussed the importance of “tidying up your room.” It’s a simple but profound teaching. Start small and close to home. Create order from chaos in your surroundings. I wrote a blog on just this for anyone interested. See here.

Supporting Others’ Wellbeing

If you’re well but concerned about someone close to you, let them know you’re there. Don’t try to be their counselor but perhaps recommend counseling. Practice some counseling skills: let them know you’re available. A little kindness and encouragement can make a big difference. I recommend the book “Counseling Skills in Everyday Life” for practical skills to support others.

Take care and reach out anytime.

All the best,

Phil

021 058 3234
www.newbeginningstherapy.co.nz
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