Understanding Anger
People often come to me to work on their anger management. Usually, by the time they see me, their anger is becoming a destructive force in their life and relationships.

Why Control Isn’t the Answer
People often ask how to control their anger. I explain that trying to control it can make things worse. Instead, we need to understand and manage it.

Recognizing the Problem
If you feel angrier than usual, it’s good that you acknowledge something is wrong. This is the first step. Think of it like turning on your hot tap at home and cold water comes out. You realize something isn’t right.

Exploring the Cause
It’s important to recognize that acknowledging the problem shows that what is happening now isn’t you at your best. Like the tap analogy, something is wrong, and we need to explore it.

The Story of Anger

Common Causes of Anger
People may get angry due to stress at work. Often, it’s something from their past. This can be a huge revelation. Family issues from our past can affect us for a lifetime. Therefore, it’s important to explore and make peace with our past. Moreover, romantic relationships often bring up deep issues. Anger in relationships often means you are working to move to new levels.

Giving Anger Space
Letting anger have space to tell its story can be very helpful. Consequently, it validates and normalizes the anger to some degree.

Calming Practices
Once we understand the anger, we can look at practices to reinforce a calmer state. Foundational practices like eating well, sleeping enough, and exercising are great to check and tweak. On top of that, integrating things into the routine such as breathing practices or short walks can be very beneficial. For example, one client found it revolutionary to leave his cell phone at his desk and spend his 30-minute break on a park bench across from his work building.

Addressing Powerlessness

Powerlessness and Anger
At the root of uncontrolled anger is often a sense of powerlessness. Voicing this at the start of sessions helps find where this feeling comes from. It then opens the possibility of more empowered solutions and ultimately taking greater charge.

Improving Communication
When we act angrily, we communicate like a parent, ignoring the rights of others. Underneath this is the powerless child. Through therapy, we can work with both and create healthy, empowered adult communication.

Seeking Help

Recognizing the Problem
If you have issues with anger, remember there is light at the end of the tunnel. Recognizing the problem shows you are partway there. If you’d like to work on this together, feel free to reach out.

A package of sessions can be a great way to explore anger. Or, if you’re not quite ready for that, feel free to book a one-time session below. Online or in-person sessions are available.

Here are a couple of useful links you may enjoy to explore this further too.

American Psychological Association on Anger Management
HelpGuide on Anger Management

Take care,

Phil
021 058 3234
www.newbeginningstherapy.co.nz
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For helpful free content: www.mygreatrelationships.com