I went to toastmasters on Tuesday evening. It was my third time in total and first time as an actual member.

It’s a powerful place to be for pure uplifting. I think of things I read about uplevelling your group and just being around people who are growing. There is so much of that. A wonderful energy.

My goal was to also be one of the people engaging so I did this. I’m sure I was terrible and thought back on the teaching of if something is worth doing it’s worth doing poorly at first.

Me and another guy did a two minute conversation based on the story of ‘We are the last 2 people on earth’.

The environment is supporting and you get given constructive feedback.

It is a good humbling lesson in the ultimate learning in the cone of learning of just learning by doing.

Personally I hope from this group to improve my speaking and therefore leadership skills to help my life personally and in business.

It was amazing to see the contrast of people who were so experienced then versus myself and also people who introduced themselves at the end who were coming for the first time and saying what they hoped to achieve.

One lady expressed having quite a negative mental health experience not long ago and now coming here to build a new self.

I noticed my triggering on the way there personally of nerves. It feels quite big for me personally.

I am dedicated to going there every two weeks with just having the goal of improvement.

I’d recommend finding a local toastmasters group to anyone looking to build skills around confidence, speaking, and leadership.

This is something I’ve been working on personally from workshops I’ve attended and support clients to work with this too. It’s so easy to get caught up in words. It’s the natural default in our culture. I see though that transformation often occurs when we change our way of being. When we’re facing a certain obstacle which is bothering us it’s good to examine what in us needs to come out in terms of the person we need to become.

If someone or a situation is really bothering you it shows that there is something in you which is waiting to come out. Growing is always a choice and we must choose to grow if we want to live and die without regrets.

It’s easy to get wrapped up and trapped in arguments and needing to be right to somehow prove ourselves but it’s important to look into our life more like a way of being. Who is the person who overcomes this ? What are their qualities ?

A client recently disturbed by a very argumentative acquaintance who drove them mad was recently able to take their power back and see how they needed to anchor their spirituality further and move towards their vision of service and giving. It can be powerful to keep looking into your own lack somewhere and what it is that needs to be enhanced to move over the obstacle.

A nice way to write this out is to draw a diamond and to write at the top your vision and make this as big as possible. Something that anchors you. Then in the middle of the diamond write in the person you are becoming, are you kind, a leader, intuitive. Then at the bottom of the diamond write in what you need to fuel you. Is it greater prayer, meditation, time with certain friends.

I find that by taking our power back like this we can then focus on becoming the person we need to be to overcome the obstacle we can effectively swamp out the obstacle we are getting too focussed on.

I have ordered a book recently by the name of ‘Biology of desire’. The interesting idea discussed is that addiction is not any kind of disease but rather all positive outcomes just being focussed on one thing. I’m not sure if I’ve ever thought of addiction as being a disease anyway but I often saw it as behaviour related to codependency.

The idea of the book is that to take the example of video games you could possibly play them with the feeling that there is some kind of achievement, growth, trying again and again which can then be taken to other areas. There are therefore dopamine releases taking place which are then potentially taken to another area of life. This is all fine.

However in the case of being addicted the problem is that all the dopamine releases and purely any thought around achievement etc and growth are all centred purely on the game, not anything else. This is where there is more of a withdrawal from daily life and the person can be said to be addicted.

There was an example of this on an interview where it was reported someone playing a game numerous hours a day and spoke about it from a place of brokenness of how good they were at making money on the game.

On another hand too you could say that Mark Zuckerberg was addicted to Facebook with this not really being any kind of issue since it was taking a big idea forward.

I wonder therefore if when someone has a level of dysfunction in the form of codependence if therefore due to trying to avoid the painful feelings there is then a level of focus which can take place in a space of seeming safety on the object eg the video games with all dopamine releases taking place within that and an avoidance of reality. With this not in any sense being related to any kind of ‘disease’.

The key here seems to just be emotional wellbeing then being either addicted to the right thing which takes your life forward or hobbies which could potentially take all your attention (should you have these kind of addictive tendencies) being used with goal outcomes of their applicability to life outside that.

I am looking forward to reading the book to study this idea further.

My grounding training in therapy was ‘Person Centred’ which was created mainly by Carl Rogers, amongst others. This was very different to therapy before this time which was more based on a doctor patient type of relationship with the therapist based as an expert role. It was based more on the idea of equalising power between the therapist and client with the idea that the client knew the best way forward. This was called their own ‘organismic valuing process.’ By giving conditions of empathy, congruence, and unconditional positive regard it was believed that the client could always get in touch with this to find their own way through their presenting issues. This was a very elegant way to work and this philosophy clearly worked. I never worked purely in that way due to the length of time it can take so practiced as an integrative counsellor and now coach so I can use what best helps the clients at different times.

I have always believed though the foundation of trust, empathy and support is crucial to good outcomes. As I dip into this way of working in my sessions it’s always wonderful to see people getting in touch with their own organismic valuing process. Clients will often say ‘I’m not sure why I just started talking about that.’ The answer I often give is along the lines of ‘It seems like that way the thing that was striking you as the most important.’

It’s interesting and encouraging that deep down we know the right answers and the way forward when we are just given the right environment to be able to dip into this. I often use the term the ‘soul incubator’ to describe the space created with clients, a holding space where we create this environment to allow a space of just beingness and then to encourage creating the space to take this forward for themselves. Key ingredients here are kindness and encouragement and a forum of unconditional acceptance. A general mindful approach can always help of awareness without judgement and just recognising that whatever comes up is okay and allowing it to be. Being a bit of an archeologist here and exploring emotions as they arise can also help.