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I’m used to the conversation now but people are often blown away by the idea of putting themselves first as often we have been conditioned to always put other people before ourselves.

There’s so much that can be discussed in that conversation but here I’d like to just give you something simple and tangible which you can focus in on which is the idea of looking after yourself and seeing yourself as needing to be built in the same way the pyramids in Egypt were built.  Think of the needing of a strong foundation in life for the rest of the structure to be built upon.  For the pyramids or any good structure it’s a case of the good cement and the diligent laying of the pieces of brick.  For the person a way to look at it can be simply to look at your eating, sleeping, exercise, and self connection.

For eating we can use the food pyramid which is online whereas we are more minimal around sugary foods, alcohol and saturated fats, with a good amount of our food coming from fruit and vegetables.  For sleeping the general idea is 7 to 8 hours per night although I believe there is individual variance here which can be played with.  For exercise I think something aerobic and something with a bit of weights.  A self connection practice can be something like meditation, mindfulness, journaling, we also get this from therapy sessions.

I’ve seen clients do this and change remarkably from one session to the next so I’d like you to encourage yourself to give it a go or atleast just reflect on where you are at here.  Factor these things into your diary, make them a priority and notice what comes up for you over the next week and then reassess and decide anything you may want to change.

A massive amount of traction can take place from just having the idea of putting yourself first then focussing on these foundational things.  In my sessions with clients we can easily track how all these are going to make sure you have the best possible relationship with yourself.  My foundation builder course focuses on this in the first section also in deeper detail along with win logs and examples to make it all more tangible.

Reach out should you wish to do more work with me here.

I work with people daily who are dealing with difficult people in their lives.  Sometimes it’s a case of people working through a conflict and just being able to show up more maturely which can then strengthen the relationship or maybe end a relationship all for the better.  Somewhere in the middle of this though is the process of really identifying that someone is having a crazy impact on you and are playing the role of a kind of villain in your hero’s journey.

When we’re involved with difficult people it’s very easy to lose our frame of reference and to doubt ourselves.  This is often a point people start to engage in sessions with me.  Recognising that our experiences are valid and that we are worthy of respect can be an important start point from which we can then figure out what is going to be the best communication style for the person at hand.

I see people start to tackle the smaller challenge people first which all makes sense.  Then people move on to new levels.  Being able to hold your own reality and to be able to respect yourself enough to be able to get into the driver’s seat of your own life and see someone as genuinely problematic can be a challenging while also empowering experience.  

I work with people in my sessions and also in my foundation builder program to get into the driver’s seat of their life as the hero in their story.  By making this into a kind of game and quest it can be helpful to see like in any quest there are villains to deal with.  There can be grief which comes up in seeing the truth clearly but also a relief in creating a clear vision of where we want to get to and identifying strategies of how we deal with the villain.

It’s good to ultimately recognise how seeing clearly really is in the long run the least painful and more pleasurable option.  I often support clients to reach this point.

Who do we need to be to deal with this person well ?  What kind of communication tools do we need ?  How do we manage our time and energy so we can dance around them so to speak and still move towards our goals ?

I find it’s always a journey of building the foundations in yourself combined with finding the best communication strategy.

In making it gameful by seeing the villain we can also look around us at where our power ups are.  What makes us feel good ?  Who are our allies to support us and cheer us on?  Seeing the villains clearly is playing a new level of a game.  You will likely get scared and overwhelmed but by getting traction and clocking up some wins it’s more than possible to move to new levels and a new way of being.

I find there are two ways which are useful to play with the negative internal dialogue. One way is just accepting that there is a ‘critic within’ which is always there to one degree or another. By recognising it and allowing it to have a voice we can be assertive and speak back to it to ground it more in reality. The book Psychocybernetics by Maxwell Maltz gives a good discussion of this as he speaks about starting a new career and the way his critic within attacks him. The talk going back to the inner critic may be something like ‘Hey wait a minute, it’s true that I’m a bit out of shape to do this run, but there’s no reason why if I put the effort in I can’t get fitter.’

Whereas we all have limitations within us it’s important to be able to get to a healthy ‘self concept’ as Maxwell Maltz would say. Again the more impacted we have been by negative relationships the stronger the critic within likely is. Again I’d recommend this book to work with and perhaps to complement sessions with me.

Another way to work with me which my Coach passed on to me was a more speaking out. Like you are having a conversation. Almost as if you are in the Counselling session or just speaking out to God, a higher power, or a good friend. It may be something like: ‘I just don’t know what I’m doing and how I can possibly do this.’ Then allow a supportive response to come back to you.

One way or another to have a good healthy life where we are feeling progress we need to be able to create a healthy internal dialogue.

Negative relationships often lead to negative self talk so part of my work with you in sessions and my foundation builder program will be around helping you to get this back so everything feels more constructive. Having a vision of yourself that is positive and healthy is vital to living a good life.