There’s actually a book called ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff’. I haven’t read it but it’s a term which often crops up in a supposed desirable way of being. I remember a few years ago coming out of a relationship. It had been lovely in parts but ultimately wasn’t right long term. I had a chat with a mentor and I said something in reference to giving the benefit of the doubt (I guess similar to dont sweat the small stuff as an idea). Her view was to always blow up what are seemingly small things particularly at the start of a relationship in order to see what may or may not be issues later on. It’s obviously important to not be super stringent or like a controlling parent ultimately but I could see her point that at the start of a relationship when people can fall hard and fast in love really being aware of things which may become issues further down the line. This attitude can possibly stop or make less likely potential heartbreak.

It was later then in other contexts I seemed to see the idea repeating itself. At a spiritual development group they spoke a lot about Gandhi as a leader and principles which were kept in place as a foundation which actually got more and more specific. He reportedly didn’t speak on Sunday (a vowed day of silence). Reportedly once someone came in to where he was frantically telling him about something that was occuring to which his response was to put his finger to his lips and say ‘shhhhhh’. He wasn’t going to move on his principle. He also dressed in greater and greater simplicity to the point of only wearing a white robe which was in fact made by him.

I then happened to read the same type of thing in a book about Steve Jobs and how he had an insistence on Apple warehouses being all white and being kept in a spotless condition. Similarly his insistence on the inside of a computer being meticulous in how they looked with zero crookedness. The rational was that this was all the source of what was ultimately being done.

The idea this raises for me is one of discipline. Of getting the small stuff right then this being the centre point to spread out to the rest of life. In reflecting on me I can see how I’ve been messy at points and am doing more work now just leaning into this lesson and seeing how it plays out for me and how it plays into looking to work to maximum success and fulfillment. It’s great to see how great minds may do thing and to keep reflecting on yourself and how it all fits.

Ever since I read ‘Set yourself free’ by Shirley Smith many years ago I often go back to the breakdown she did of the word responsible to response able. I’d never thought of the word like that before but going into it like that is helpful to then contrast with its opposite which is being reactive.

Learning to respond rather than react is a general learning people go through on their journey of personal growth. Being able to look at times when you react or are more reactive than you would like to be can be a great access point to lean into.

Notice your reactivity but don’t condemn it. It’s just something that was occuring and is a past patterm which had some purpose. Maybe it was the way you had to be to get love in the past but it’s not effective now. Just feel it arising and recognise the way you ‘used to’ (always remember language) react and now work to ‘anchor’ something else which is aligned to your new found integrity which you are creating in yourself.

You can prime this person by looking at the lower pain and the higher pleasure this new personality (who is more you than before) will bring you. When you start to practice this person anchor it with something you like (I always love a takeaway coffee 🙂 ). It’s just like a muscle and you just need to train this person to get better and stronger until it all becomes a natural part of you.

I’ve been really enjoying researching what drives us recently and seeing that although it seems happiness is not a bad concept to have that ultimately we seem to be at our best when we just have meaning. When we have something we are working to which is connecting us to something. It’s important here to dig into the sometimes negative notion that we are somewhat happiest or the idea that we are meant to be happiest when we are doing nothing, sitting around relaxing etc.

It’s not that these times are in themselves bad but what I’m seeing is that we are at our truest state of happiness when we are finding meaning and we are in flow and accessing flow states (see book by this name).

I feel the idea of just being ‘happy’ can be a bad one and seems to be quite a western thing which somehow splits us off from a level of necessary pain and pushing through and making progress through finding meaning which is actually what really makes us happy.

The breakthrough moments when we achieve something. Peak experiences as Maslow called them relate to this well. True happiness (meaning) occurs when we are in a state of productivity, of moving through and changing from the person we are to the person we are becoming.

Happiness in a truer sense occurs when we have meaning and feel like we are making progress

Sexuality and sex are huge things. It’s a really important thing to keep having on honest check in about. It’s obviously very personal so something to work with individually and if you need with a trusted therapist/coach. Where as there is lots to be said for the realms of spirituality and growth there is still a grounding for us as humans in our bodies here and therefore in our sexuality.

I can definitely see in my own life at points I have not felt as grounded as I would have liked here and can see how this has got be into trouble in the realms of destructive relationships. There is a great book ‘Think and grow rich’ which I must revisit which actually has a chapter on healthy sexual transmutation.

Perhaps I’m missing some area of work but in my general exploring into the coaching etc realm all going into spirituality and raising vibrations (all of which is great by the way) I can see how this part can sometimes be missing.

I think of an amazing Tony Robbins state break he did to snap someone out of his depression (check out Tony Robbins outsmarts depression) as as part of the discussion he surprises our depressed man ‘Bob’ by asking him if he’s ever had a great orgasm. By going into this state he is able to take control and find his new meaning.

Check in with yourself and ask how comfortable you are in this space and in your body. If there was any shaming done in the past just allow yourself to recognise it then do what you need to do to get rid of it. You have a right to stand proud and be yourself.